[Fade in. Sounds of phones, chat pings, typing, mouse clicks.]

As I was saying…

Wait, sorry…

I’ll just…

[PING from chat app.]

Sorry, I’ll just answer this message quickly

and then I can continue showing you the systems we use.

There are rumours that they are going to install

some kind of bot to do this.

Like an AI or something.

[Another PING.]

If it’s like other changes here, it will take a while…

Hopefully you will still be with us then!

It will answer all the messages about

what time breakfast is,

how do you turn the TV on,

where is the hairdryer.

That way we will be free to…

[Landline phone rings.]

Hello?

Yes, of course.

I will notify housekeeping immediately.

[PING.]

That’s housekeeping notified.

Just a click on the app.

See? It’s easy, right?

You’ll get the hang of it soon.

[PING. PING.]

Okay, let’s just ignore that for a minute

or we won’t get anything done.

[PING.]

Sorry — what was I saying?

Yes, those — those are the self check-in kiosks

which allow our guests to check in themselves

and the machine then prints a key for them.

That way they don’t have to speak to us

and can go straight to their rooms.

And the great thing about them is that they hardly ever work!

Yeah.

So when they get to their rooms

they will find that the key card doesn’t work

and they will have to come down to reception

for me to print a new one for them.

Just like I am going to do right now for that gentleman.

Trust me — he will be down in five minutes complaining about it.

If you greet them with a smile and give them the key straight away,

they are normally okay.

Hopefully it will get sorted at some point,

because right now I am sick of having that conversation

twenty times a day.

I mean I could chat to customers all day,

but having to defuse angry guests all day

is just a bit too much.

Anyway.

So now you know that bit.

The rest you’ll learn on the e-learning system.

Now let me just show you how to allocate rooms on our system.

Basically, you have to be a bit of a detective —

figure out what kind of room they might want without asking.

So like if a big family comes,

make sure all their rooms are next to each other.

If it’s a business guest, put them in a quiet room.

If it’s a group of guys on a stag do,

well… you can put them in one of the noisier rooms.

You know?

[Phone rings.]

Hello?

Yes, sure…

Really?

Okay.

I’ll be there.

Okay, so a bit of a situation —

I am going to have to run and cover the bar

while our bartender goes on break.

All part of the job!

Are you okay to sit here and man the desk while I am away?

I am sure you will be fine.

Honestly, it’s not that complicated.

Just direct them to the self check-in kiosks

and call or text if there is an issue.

You’ll be great!

Oh — and be sure to mention your name.

Our manager checks online reviews!

[Phones, pings from chat apps. Fade out.]

[END]